[REVIEW] I AM ALIVE – The Unpozzed Last of Us of 2012
2 May 2022
Game Review I AM ALIVE PC Gaming

It was 2012.

The last days of gaming before the great Marxification of 2013

it was the summer of arcades for Xbox 360, a game was advertised on the XBLA dashboard. A grim, hardcore and hopeless setting, with no zombies whatsoever.

Just natural disasters followed by food shortages followed by breakdown of civilization and societal collapse, the setting is largely inspired on the 2012 film

Being a Metro player who loves challenge and ammo conservation this game was practically tailor made for hardcore players like myself especially with third person parkour and first person combat.

The game starts off in a very unorthodox way, there is no massive cutscene fest to explain the lore or what happened, simply there was a sequence of natural disasters (earthquakes, Tsunamis and followed by dust clouds) and now our protagonist goes back to his home city to find his wife and child.

So you basically complete the tutorial of the game, that teaches you about stamina management.

Climbing and NPC types.

You go into the city and acquire a machete and learn how the combat works (a thing that (((Greg Miller))) from IGN couldn’t realize).

Basically this, when bandits approach you, you press X to surprise slash while getting “bullied” then you draw the glock and press X to tell them to “Step back!”.

Just because you have a pistol doesn’t mean they won’t charge, if you are being encircled a lone bandit might try his luck. You need to keep the mental pressure on them and keep the gun drawn on the bandits, since the game doesn’t give you a lot of ammo you’re supposed to use mind games to win fights.

Simply tell a bandit to step back into a cliff or a fire and then press X to kick him into it if you kill enough bandits, those remaining will surrender if you bluff for too long, they’ll just call out your bluff and charge you anyway.

Another thing, since this is a hardcore game who was tailored for Gamers and not soy journalists retries are an actual RESOURCE in the game which can either be collected from various areas or awarded upon helping a Victim with resources (med kits, painkillers, food, inhalers etc…).

In any case, after defeating the bandits and traversing Havington (which has a few supplies hidden there and there, along with some people to help and some paranoid survivors with a gun, which if you were slick enough you can slice their throats and take their ammo).

Our protagonist reaches his home and finds out his wife and child have already left for an evacuation center outside of Havington so after wallowing in despair he hears a child cry outside, thinking it’s his daughter.

His “daughter” doesn’t recognize him and runs away, a chase sequence begins and it ends up with the child trapped between 2 Grabblers and a Jigaboo which our heroic protagonist brings to the Sword.

After goodifying the bagel-niggers our protagonist realizes it wasn’t his daughter at all, but a random half chink, half white girl who lost her mother.

And so our protagonist decides to help her out find her parents, and then she receives a call from her walkie talkie, turns out her father is still alive and looking for her, he agrees with our hero to a deal if he helps out his daughter he’ll share what he has with him.

Unfortunately the girl you found is coofing and likely has contracted jewflu from the bagel-nigger a fever from all the dust in Havington, so you take her to a Shopping mall turned into a evacuation center and basically spot a crate of emergency medical supplies that haven’t been scavenged and so you get to learn of how traversing the “dust infested” city works.

In the city the “dust” is very heavy and our protagonist can only hold his breath for a short time so exploration of the resource rich city can be extremely punishing to noobs who don’t know what they’re doing, simply grab a bunch of a shit, climb back to a high place to get your air/stamina back and then continue onwards to the objective.

there are a lot of people to help in the city so save up stuff like Inhalers, Cigarettes, wine bottles, 1st aid kits, food cans (lots of starving survivors looking for this).

And look for every nook and cranny for additional supplies/ammo in any case, make your way into the high building and prepare for a lot of climbing.

So much climbing… and busting bandits, lots of bandits after getting into the supplies hanging on the very top of the building you are awarded a new tool: a grappling hook.

This is mostly a gimmick designed to save up on time when it comes to traversing areas you’ve already been in.

In anycase, you make your way back to Mei (the half Chink girl) and give her some medicine, after she feels better, you take her on your shoulders and go through the subway (so she won’t catch the coof).

Where the “horror” element of this game truly unfolds itselfi n a post-apocalyptic world devoid of monsters/zombies, the only monsters in this game are your fellow humans.

In the subway we can earn (or lose if you don’t care about end-game score) a lot of karma, first off there is a greedy nigger who argues with a human about “sharing” just pointing the gun at the groid earns you a retry, then you fight a shitload of horny hungry bandits you discover there are a large group of people who literally sustain themselves out of “meat”.

What meat that is?

Well Human meat, (and some rat meat as well).

You’re offered a plate of “strange meat” feel free to take it but if you consume it your final score will be lowered due to “Cannibalism”.

There are some prisoners to be rescued from other more violent cannibals and a hungry womyn who wants to eat normal non-nigger food

In any case, you go through some whacky Uncharted levels of Parkour and get Mei to Henry, which turns out to be a cripple, a very masculine cripple who despite losing his leg functions is still pumping iron.

And once you reach that point of the game, you finally get a bow

Now the great thing about the bow is that it features re-useable ammo, no longer do you need to trick enemies into pits or fires to save up on bullets.

Now you can just shoot them, and take the arrow back, the only downside that you once you get the bow, bandits no longer take you for a chump and thus the “surprise kill” element is gone so keep your weapons at the ready and prepare to shoot first.

I’m not gonna spoil it any further, but the game does have some pretty mature themes for a 15$ indie title (yes back at the day a 4-5 hour game was considered 15$, nowadays a 4-5 hour game is considered 60$ game).

With hardcore combat and hardcore stamina management this game is fairly replayable, especially if you make a fuckton of mistakes and waste a lot of precious resources.

Upon completing the game I had a full inventory full of resources that I didn’t even need to use and I played on survivor (the hardest difficulty which gives you less ammo and less resources).

Final words:

While the game promotes good values such as a manly masculine father-like protagonist and all the women (with the exception of two armed grannies) are just damsels in distress.

It does feature some race mixed couples… one of which is the dude you’re helping (Henry and his half chink wife).

While it’s not as bad as this today’s total absolute niggerfaggotry, it is not a red pilled game by any means but it’s a hardcore game that doesn’t feature fudge packersexuals, stronk whaman or any of the pozzed stuff you’d find in modern titles.

I give I AM ALIVE a solid recommendation and as always a gentlemen’s link because FUCK giving a single cent to jewbesoft.


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