[REVIEW] Battle Realms – An RTS For Blood & Honor
13 May 2022
Battle Realms Game Review Liquid Entertainment PC Gaming Real Time Strategy RTS

After the Colossal Disappointment that are Modern RTS “remasters
I’ve decided to shed light upon a game that’s only known to the nichest of RTS fans.

A game that combines Chinese and Japanese aesthetics, soundtrack and unique factions. A game called Battle Realms.

Made by the same studio who gave us The Lord of the Rings: War of the Ring (which was one of the BEST Lord of the rings RTS games ever made).

But there’s something special about Battle Realms, it’s tries to be realistic. Units use stamina for sprinting and attacking, when they’re injured they can’t fight at full strength (can’t sprint, can’t block attacks).

And we have 6 types of damage which means sending a bunch of spearman would counter-swordsman but would do very poorly against buildings or Kabuki warriors (Magic attack).

The economy is based off rice and water.

Peasants collect rice & water to build shit and to train units, you can train basic units (Archer, Spearman, Chemist) into 2 tier units (Kabuki Warrior, Dragon Warrior, Cannoneer) and into Tier 3 units such as Samurai.

By getting them to re-train at different buildings

(Such as training a peasant at a dojo, and then training a spear warrior into a dragon warrior by sending him to the archery range).

It sounds a bit complicated at first but it’s actually a rather simple system, even a [sand] nigger could handle it, so lets talk game mechanics.

Stamina: Units regenerate stamina rather quickly but spend as fast as they regenerate it, everything from attacking to sprinting to using special abilities costs stamina.

Health: Similar to stamina it regenerates when a unit is not taking action, kinda slowly but if you send a unit to rest at a river he will regenerate faster.

Ying & Yang: by performing actions such as killing enemies and building troops, you generate karma, depending on your faction allegiance (good or evil) you will get a different form of karma.

The karma you gain can be used to upgrade units, use battle-changing abilities, or if you play on the dragon side you can summon a mini Nuke to decimate your enemies.

(You’ll have to sacrifice 3 Karma points and 4 Samurais for this, very costly and extremely situational)

And of course to summon “Heroes” which are not like your typical Warcraft III heroes, they don’t level and if you let one hero loose against five 2nd tier units he will lose.

Instead heroes act as a strong unit that can give a boost to your troops or debuff the enemy some heroes specialize in destroying buildings and so forth.

Horses: Horses are a unique resource that’s once depleted it stays dead for good, you can get your peasants to tame horses and then get them into a stable.

Since horses have their own HP and stamina that means you can use horses gallop to get into locations faster than sprinting and without the downsides of sprinting (cause stamina) putting heroes on Horses would make the most sense.

That’s for the basics, now lets talk about what most players care about.

The Campaign

The campaign of Battle Realms allows you either to play as honorable Dragon Warrior
or as a Degenerate, Brutal, Merciless Serpent Warrior.

You get a choice at the beginning of the game and once you decide you get the respective campaign which boils down to either killing peasants (Serpent Warrior) or killing bandits (Dragon Warrior).

The two factions have entirely different units and different attitudes, since we’re all Aryans who fight for Blood & Honor I’d recommend playing as the Dragon Warrior.

Now the campaign offers a lot of replayability by letting you choose who you wanna tackle (Lotus or Wolf Clan) early on. And thus lets you decide if you wanna genocide Scots or Asian Grabblers.

Speaking of Scots and Asian Grabblers.

There’s also an expansion campaign called “Winter of the Wolf”, now I won’t spoil the plot but I highly recommend playing it first (it’s a prequal to the main storyline).

Now the game is available on both GOG and Steam, and also on the infamous Bay of Freedom if you so choose to sail the high seas. So knock yourself out on this 2001 classic.

The multiplayer for the GOG version (also piratable) seems to work through services like GameRanger and maintains a small community of people who continue playing Battle Realms to this vary day.

If people actually give a shit about this game I could write down a strategy guide (though there are many scattered all around the web).

Since I used to play Battle Realms religiously back in the good days, alas RTS is fucking dead thanks to Grabblers and coonsole gaymers.

This review was accomplished thanks to Jasmine Green tea and copious amounts of Moonman Autism, always remember to stay fit and stay clear of soy, hops and street monkeys.

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